


I'm sorry Gon

by FrenchScreaming



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, Out of Character, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Sorry cant fix everything, Tags May Change, no beta we die like men, whoops sorry i killed your friend no hard feelings right
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchScreaming/pseuds/FrenchScreaming
Summary: During the events in Episode 131, Pitou makes a different choice instead of trying to kill Gon. They decide to try a more Human approach.
Comments: 32
Kudos: 103





	1. Apawlogies not accepted

**Author's Note:**

> tfw you realize you were born prone to violence and desensitized yourself from the value of life and kinda fucked up some kids day and are now just kinda awkwardly standing next to him trying to figure how to say 'whoops, my bad' before he mcfreakin kills you.

Pitou had stood in front of the body of their old toy. ‘Kite’ they were told was its name. They hadn’t thought it had a name. And now it was laying in front of them broken, like a doll. They had never once considered ‘Kite’ being worth fixing, or maintaining or anything of that kind. ‘Kite’ had been just a tool for them, a toy to be played with and discarded when the time came. 

But now here they were, standing in front of Kite again, long white hair adorning his human body covered in the scars of their ‘playing’. Pitou had left him broken, dead, unrepairable by any means and they hadn’t thought this worth crying over. And yet, next to them, slumped on the ground was another smaller human, with green hair and golden eyes that saw fit to do so. And as odd as Pitou found it, and as alien to the concept they were, they understood. Just a bit. 

The heartbreak of losing a bond, the emotional ties that humans formed. It wasn’t anything an Ant could understand, not initially anyway. Humans tended to reach out, expose themselves in lackluster ways to others and in that create fierce emotional ties. Ones that rivaled Pitou’s own devotion to the King, but it was still different. Pitou followed the King out of admiration and duty, Humans bonded over...essentially nothing. But still, Pitou could make the comparison, though perhaps their own relationship with the king wasn’t sufficient a comparison. No, Pitou knew that Humans bonded in unique ways, and in any other life they’d probably never see the extent of it. But in this life, they had been witness to the bond between a human and Ant already.

Komugi, that was her name, the king saw fit to actually refer to her by such. Had Komugi not existed, it’s highly probable that they would never had understood the extent of the bonds humans made. They still didn’t have a full idea either, only having one source to go off of and limited knowledge at that. But seeing the one they respected most, someone so unrivaled in strength and pride respect such a lowly human, it had shown them something.

Some bonds between humans, weren’t always made from strength or benefits, more often it seemed to be an alignment of interest. Piqued curiosity, a shared ground more often than not. Pitou, admitably, had a small amount of information to go off of just from reading books or watching King play games with Komugi. But they could recognize the obvious, that being that the small human, Gon they had been called, was in mourning over Kite. And it was their fault. 

They imagined how hurt King would be if he lost Komugi, then they stopped imagining and started remembering Komugi being hurt and King’s scary aura. King really was, one of a kind, showing compassion for humans despite being an Ant…

Maybe, Pitou should follow his example. Maybe that could help the feeling that welled up in their heart, the burden of sadness they felt but couldn’t place the cause. The past hour had been a blur of emotions from excitement, to bewilderment to concern, fear, worry, dread, and now; whatever it was that laid heavily in their chest. The sense of responsibility came close, but also that of failure. Like they had failed Gon, or something similar. On top of it all was concern. 

Gon was hurting. Anyone could see, they imagined one look at Gon was all it took to see the absence of spirit. It was scary to say the least. He was caught between mourning Kite, and throwing emotions away. Pitou knew if Gon did the latter, suffered the complete loss with no hope, he would turn all his strength on the Ants.

And yet, Pitou couldn’t stop seeing King in Gon’s shoes. They had now seen both of them at a loss, only, they couldn’t save Kite like that did Komugi. They had hurt Kite specifically. They had done this, it was their fault. Every human had emotions. King had emotions. Each one was a living breathing being, of which they formed strong bonds. And Pitou finally realized that what they felt was the crushing guilt of cutting an especially strong one for the sake of pleasure. 

A million excuses flood to their mind immediately but then those thoughts are brushed off. It wasn’t like them, they made mistakes yes but they faced them. 

Pitou knew, Gon was on the verge of giving everything he had and more into destroying them. They knew the smartest thing they could do as a royal guard was to give their life to crippling or killing the small human before he could do that. But seeing his face? The tears streaming from his empty, soulless eyes? The absolutely crushed spirit. 

Pitou wondered then, if it was possible to fix this situation for everyone, and avoid a fight. To end the conflict so they could serve the King another day and let Gon live to make new bonds. Could that happen? Could they...be vulnerable? 

What Pitou didn’t know, was that this decision they were making would change the entire outcome of several peoples lives. They had no way of knowing this was the best possible outcome for them in terms of living, many would argue it was the best outcome for everyone. Pitou, would never come to regret doing this, though they held the regret of not doing it sooner for the rest of their life. 

“Gon…” They had spoken in a quiet tone. Doctor Blythe disappearing from around their arm as it finished the healing process. Their power only extending to their arm, yet nothing could be done for Kite. Gon showed no response to what they had said, but Pitou had a feeling they were processing what was being said.

They flexed their hand, seeing it worked as good as new, and found themselves at a loss of what to be said. They had nothing to give, yet were far past begging. They already explained that Kite was dead, that there was no bringing back the dead even with their ability. There was nothing to say, but something had to be done. 

“...Gon I’m...sorry.” They spoke softly, flinching as Gon’s aura flared once more. It was unnerving, the darkness that enveloped him. Pitou might even compare it to that of a beast, instead of a human. It made the air around them incredibly depressing, just being close was enough to strain Pitou’s being. 

“Sorry?” Gon spoke in the coldest tone Pitou could imagine, completely devoid of any life and jubilance. The sheer intensity of his manifesting rage was enough to crack the ground beneath him. 

“You’re sorry!?” He shouted wildly, desperate to understand Pitou’s own words. Anyone could see how angry he was, no apology could begin to temper his emotions alone. Pitou was ready to accept that, they were ready to accept any punishment Gon might give. 

Sweat started rolling down Pitou’s head. That hadn’t happened before tonight, before tonight they really thought they were something strong but in the face of Gon as he was now they knew they were so wrong. 

“Fix Kite!” He roared. Pitou could no longer make out what shade of grief afflicted him. Was it pure anger? Denial? Sadness? “Fix him! Fix him fix him fix him!!!” 

It was then Pitou realized...Gon was still very much a child. The concept not entirely lost on the Ant as per their studies and observations. But it only just now struck them how young and inexperienced Gon must be by any standard. The weight in their chest multiplied somehow. He might even be younger than Komugi…

Pitou was snapped out of their spiraling thoughts as Gon’s figure seemed to shutter, watching it was like seeing a switch flip inside him. 

“I don’t...care anymore.” He muttered. A black aura oozing off him menacingly as he stood there, posture relaxing somewhat but still vigilant. Now it was Pitou’s turn to shutter in fear, there was no talking anymore, Gon had completely abandoned that as well as any other options. Pitou could only hope to hold out. 

But in the blink of an eye they had already lost him.


	2. Doing what's right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua, even with all his speed, arrives late to the party. But just in time to see what became of Gon and Pitou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha...i wrote this instead of sleeping whoops. Y'know that feel when you start writing and words poor onto the screen and before you know it it's 2am and you have an unedited chapter infront of you?

Under normal circumstances, Pitou would’ve been easily skewered by Gon in their fight. Gon’s transformation would have been more than enough to completely crush Pitou, even if he would lose a limb in the process. However, Komugi’s mere existence had once more played a vital role in turning the entire events of the raid upside down. Due to their presence, and short time with King Meruem, they had influenced both him and the royal guards in both positive and negative ways. Youpi and Pouf had grown wary and hostile of Komugi, whereas King had grown fond, and Pitou following in his footsteps. Had Komugi not influenced everyone so greatly, Pitou would have found themselves fighting the offensive in a losing battle, but due to the compassion they had begun to pick up from her, they chose not to fight Gon. Instead using every bit of strength they had to dodge and defend themselves, in hopes of returning to King and Komugi. This choice made all the difference.

Further in the forest however.

Killua couldn’t run fast enough, even with all his training and powers he couldn’t run fast enough to get to Gon’s side. He had faith in him yes, but he couldn’t help the hefty worry that also rested in his heart. It was unlike him to be so concerned, but Gon had proven time and time again to be a special case. 

But still, he couldn’t run fast enough. Even as his feet scorched the grass and branches below them and he ran short of breath to close the distance between him and Gon he could feel he wasn’t fast enough. Millions of worries flooded to his head, why didn’t he follow them sooner? Why did he trust them to go in the first place? Would Pitou keep their promise? Could Pitou keep their promise? He hated it. The unshakable habit he had to constantly worry for the worst case scenario. 

The world blurred around him as he didn’t dare waste a single moment of time to catch his breath, his face stung with the wind and he hoped, for some odd reason, that no one would notice if he looked too desperate. Again, something so unlike him. 

But he did stop, the lightning surrounding him making a huge crack as he dug his feet into the ground at the top of a hill. He had ran in the vague direction of where Gon said they would be, but didn’t know his exact location. But just now, he swore he heard something. He needed a sign, some sign of where Gon was, any sign he was still alive. Fear gripped his lungs finally forcing him to draw in a long breath. He knows he didn’t need too, he was an assassin, simply running to Gon was nothing. 

His eyes widened as he sees a flash of light, and the sound of a crushing impact. That must be him right? The familiar glow of aura.  _ Gon’s aura was never that big _ . He must still be fighting.  _ Or dying _ . It must be him, Killua thought as he rushed to descend down the hill before any more of his doubts washed away his flickering hope.

Skidding down the hill, and launching himself over the next, each second felt far too long to be reasonable. The growing noises of battle he was so used too suddenly became haunting after years of becoming used to it. Killua had rarely begged in his life, but he would trade everything he could for Gon to be okay. He wanted this all to stop for Gon, he could tell it was painful, even if he was winning. 

Coming over the hill, he finally catches sight of the fight. His general being of surprise is unchanged as he stares, trying to take it in. His vision wavered from exertion, clouding his sight momentarily but he could make out clearly what was in front of him. 

Gon was...different. He looked old, tall, muscular. For a split second Killua had the thought that he somewhat resembled his father. But most importantly, he looked sad. The fight had died from his eyes, there was no more hollow vengeance or anger burning behind them. All that he saw in the expression Gon had when he turned to him was a complacent sadness. 

“Gon…” He breathes.

“Killua…” The reply is in a voice he doesn’t recognize, but it’s Gon’s voice. That’s Gon. That really is the boy he knew as Gon, as much as he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. 

So bewildered by this he took far longer than usual to fix his eyes on the enemy, something that should’ve been second nature to him. Frantically he looks for any sign of them and quickly finds the bloody Ant standing a fair bit away, arms held up in a defensive position, looking out of breath and beaten. Seeing them, Killua thought he recognized the fear in them. The hope of escaping a hopeless fight, the unwillingness to continue a battle. He recognized that look, but couldn’t make sense of the Ant having it. Wasn’t this their fight? 

Or...maybe this wasn’t. Killua looked back to Gon, he was without a scratch, he was winning. So why did this fight look so...torturous for both of them, what kept them both here. Shaking his head, he realized there were more important things at hand. He rushed up to Gon, desperate to know how this could happen to his friend. The memories of what Kurapika had put on the line for his power flashing through his brain spurring on his worries. What had Gon put on the line? What price did he pay for this power?

“Gon!” He shouted, full of concern for his crying friend. Gon needed him. 

“...” He stood there, he was done. 

“Gon what did-!” Killua sharply inhaled, his lungs forcing oxygen, “Gon, what happened!” He cried out, slowing down as he approaches his friend closer now. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Pitou twitch, and for a moment all his instincts tell him they’re going to attack. But they don’t. The split second passes and before Killua can act the danger he expects is already Gon. It didn’t exist. His nerves were high, but there was no more fighting for some reason. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. 

“Killua…” Gon cried, Killua couldn’t help but feel that it was wrong for his friend to be like this, “Kite is...Kite is...really-” He breaks off in a sob. Adult body shaking with sadness that finally chose to settle in. Pitou seems to relax, noting they no longer had an attacker. 

Killua didn’t know what to do, emotions weren’t his strong suit. When it came to the more delicate handling of people, Gon was always there, charismatic as ever. But now it was the other way around, Gon needed someone. He needed the comfort and warmth he always gave to others. Killua wasn’t sure he could do it, for once he doubted he could help Gon. 

Even as he took Gon’s hand as the boy cried out his bitter sorrow, Killua was scared that he wasn’t doing enough. 

“Gon...it’s...it’s okay now...I’m here now.” He muttered, it was all he could think to say, he almost regretted it but Gon didn’t seem to react any different. Killua sighed, trying to muster up what to say, until finally realizing this was something words couldn’t solve, he just had to wait for Gon to let everything out. Judging by the state of the forest surrounding them and Pitou, he had already blown off a substantial amount of pent up emotions. 

Finally, Gon slowly collapsed, shrinking in size and stature. No more, was the Gon who looked mature beyond his years out of rage and anger. Now, Killua had slumped over his shoulder a boy, who was too tired from everything to go on. The only similarity that stayed was the long hair that stretched far. 

He carefully adjusted his grip on Gon, not wanting to give the boy any more due harm. The price he paid for the transformation was probably incredibly taxing as it was, he only hoped the effects weren’t permanent. As he did this he turned his attention back to the ant that was the root of all of this. 

There they were. Neferpitou, in all their bloody glory. They looked like they were standing on death's door, multiple bones broken or missing. Their right arm was no more, and judging by the way they stood, their legs weren’t far from being turned to dust. Gon must’ve done a number on them…

The oddest thing about their appearance though, was that they looked guilty. After a second of deliberation Killua realized he had a fountain of questions to ask. He opened his mouth to begin but found himself strangely at a loss of where to start. What did he want to know? What had happened was obvious? Maybe if they knew what Gon sacrificed? If they still planned on killing them? Both seemed stupid in hindsight but he couldn’t shake the thoughts. 

In Killua’s thinking, Pitou found the strength to barely lift themselves a bit, and start moving ever so slowly towards the castle in which they had came from.

“H-hey where do you think you’re going!” Killua shouted, suddenly nervous at the not so sudden movements of Pitou. 

“Kite…” They muttered, though it came out somewhat obscured as their face had met Gon’s fist multiple times at velocities higher than they would have liked.

“...Kite?” Killua muttered. That’s right he still didn’t know exactly what became of Kite, though, he had an idea. Unlike Gon, he had already prepared for the worst, even if he was told to think otherwise. Swallowing his thoughts, he pressed for more. 

“What about him?” His tone was more serious now, now that he gathered himself. 

“I have...to do right...by him.” Pitou muttered, causing Killua to once more freeze. “It’d...be dis...respect...ful...to…” The ant then ran out of breath, propping themself against a tree in order to better cough out their lungs aggressively. They must have lived by a mere hair.

Registering what had been said, Killua’s mind raced to put together the pieces of what exactly must’ve happened here tonight. He didn’t like it. It twisted his heart in a way he wasn’t used too, it was painful and he could only imagine what Gon was going through.

Gon.

He nearly forgot. Gon must be in such pain still. Looking at Pitou he thought maybe he could beg them for the much needed help, then wondered why Pitou hadn’t helped themself first. They must value trying to do right by Gon and Kite more than their life, Killua thought. 

Still...he needed to get Gon help and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't write a fight scene between Pitou and Gon, because no matter how cool that would've been I can't write fight scenes. Also, this is what my brain thought was important for the story instead. Hope you enjoyed


	3. Buried treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pitou looks for something they lost, that thing being the entire King.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hwehh, this came out later then I'd have liked but things have just been unrelenting with life and I had no motivation. Finally though I finished this without beta reading and minimal edits. I hope it works

In no particularly known order, Pitou had used Doctor Blyth to heal themselves, Gon, and then buried and said a small word for Kite. Even Killua Zoldyck, who was the only one present for any of this, had been unattentive in his worry for Gon. Despite Pitou’s best efforts Gon was still in a fatal state that needed more help then could be provided. Regardless, Pitou gave the boys their best wishes and made their way back to the castle, after all the fighting had died down and the battle was declared to be over.

Running into the masses that stood outside the castle grounds, Pitou first noticed the guards they had manipulated laid slumped down at every checkpoint. A tinge of guilt pricking their heart once more. Their newfound resolve to make things right, though deeply hurt at the sight of their actions, would not waver even as they trekked through the sea of hypnotized humans. 

As they grew closer to the palace, the silence began to unsettle them. Despite the long uneventful nights they had spent, the sudden drop of combat was concerning in their opinion. They had left the castle with both guards fighting with all their might. Though the King had gone to a second location with the humans, that was most concerning. Pitou had hoped, prayed maybe, that they could find either one of the humans or guards to inform them what all had changed in the time of their absence. 

A pit of fear grew in their gut when they realized they had no idea how long they were gone. A fight could start and end so quickly, surely in the time it took for Pitou just to run to and from the castle so much could have happened, and that wasn’t even accounting for all the time in between. And that was disregarding the fact that they definitely lost track of time during their fight with Gon. 

Hurrying down the dirt road, Pitou keeps all senses open for any sign of life. Disturbed dirt in the shape of footsteps, fallen hair or fur, a dead butterfly man-a dead butterfly man!? Digging their heels into the dirt and doing a quick one eighty Pitou fixed their gaze to find that yes Pouf was laying on the ground. Dead. Like really dead. It was a little perturbing to say the least, being a Royal Guard for the King felt so invincible. They had fought only a few battles but their strength was supposedly unrivaled.

Pitou gulped, realizing that tonight had crushed that very notion much like how Pitou crushed Kite’s bones. They rationalized that this was to be expected, Pouf’s death. The Royal guard had meant to lay down their lives for the king and if Pitou was like this it meant he did his job. Probably. Pitou did know he had some weird distaste for the small human girl, so it was entirely possible the King killed him in regards to her.

But thinking about what could or should have happened would get them nowhere. They pushed down their concerns, nudged Pouf with their foot to make sure he was for real one hundred percent super dead and slowly backed away from the body before breaking off into a sprint into the castle. They didn’t want to cause any uproar or disturbance in case the King was in a fragile situation, so they kept their En to a minimal. 

But control was not a concept they knew well.

They jumped and raced through the ruins of the once prestigious building, grimacing slightly at it’s disrepair. The fight here had been intense, and they had missed out on all of it. Their service being minimal at best in this event, it pained them. Their guilt mounting. But this was a distinctly different flavor of guilt, it was the pain of knowing their actions were in the best intent but weren’t enough. Their guilt with Gon and Kite...that was the pain of messing up, of truly feeling bad from a horrible mistake. The blend of the two didn’t settle well in Pitou’s gut.

No, as they traversed the grounds of the once palance the pit of worry only increased in their stomach as they continued to find nothing. Inhaling deeply, they attempted to calm their thoughts with rational. Thinking of logical explanations and their next course of action. This helped to quell their frayed nerves, if only slightly. Regaining something closer to their usual composure they decided that there was really nothing to lose and everything to gain by using their aura at this point. The best case scenario of miraculously finding someone was gone by now, probably fleeing shortly after the battle ended or hiding somewhere in fear of Pitou.

Taking in another deep breath, their aura flared to life around them. An inky red hue surrounding them in a perfect sphere, with a huff they extended the energy. Increasing in size, the wave of maroon essence washed over the entirety of the castle as it’s edges became wild and fiery. It was difficult to be precise with it, but their En covered a large enough area to make up for it. 

They looked through everything, vision prying into any possible nearby life. Finding nothing, they cursed under their breath. The focused their sight, instead of looking for life now searching every abnormality within the castle walls. Pitou began pacing, head turning as their senses carefully scanned every broken crevance there was to offer. Just when they had begun to lose hope something caught their attention that was especially unordinary. 

With a quick leap, Pitou found themselves near the entrance to the underground bit of the castle. Of course, how obvious. They felt so idiotic for not realizing sooner this would be an obvious place to hold out at. But what had caught their attention was the small critter in front of the entrance. Youpi?

It was red like their fellow guard. It had a mix of beast like features much like their fellow guard as well. Poking it seemed to give the same feel of their fellow guard…

But Youpi wasn’t tiny. And yet, this was Youpi. Was this the work of an enemies Nen? Probably not, there’d be more evidence then this and it’d probably have worn off postmortem. Still, there were only so many logical conclusions to draw from this. Thinking about it, had Pouf’s body always been so weak and fragile as when they nudged it? 

It shouldn’t matter too much, they’d keep this information in the back of their head. Their comrades wouldn’t want Pitou to grieve them, and in from the bottom of their heart Pitou couldn’t find it in themself to feel bad for them for whatever reason. They supposed it was simply that they understood them.

But they had to focus on King now. He wasn’t in the castle, but the guards were. Despite the power Pitou had seen displayed they doubted it was enough to keep the guards back, so the King must have returned at some point right? It seemed most likely he was underground for whatever reason. They didn’t want to imagine it but the first image that came to their mind was that of an injured King. One missing his left arm and waiting impatiently for Pitou to return and heal him. 

With a newfound sense of urgency they pushed off the ground and into the tunnel, running against the cold stone and metal floors as they descended. As they got lower and lower the evidence of action slowly started to make itself known. Reaching they presumed to be the bottom floor, they found several hallways blocked off and or broken, along with the presence of abandoned and trashed vehicles and traces of Ant blood. 

Pitou’s heart skipped a beat. Blood? They somehow could tell it wasn’t the King’s, maybe something was different with consistency or whatnot. But something in Pitou’s heart told them it wasn’t their Kings blood that had been spilled here, and they hoped that the ‘something’ wasn’t wishful thinking. 

They followed the singular path down, it stretched much longer and farther than they had initially thought. But, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Or, lights? Many small lights. It was a sight to behold. Cautiously, Pitou slowed down to a stop as they neared them. Not entirely willing to touch them despite how they seemed to drift towards the Ant. They sized it up. There were too many to avoid if they wished to press further, and they obviously indicated the presence of something important.

Cautiously, Pitou extended a palm outward to the many small lights and watched them quickly drift closer. Upon contact, Pitou froze. They recognized this aura. This was someone's Aura, it was their En to be exact. King’s En. Upon touching it Pitou’s heart alleviated at the notion that King was alive and well enough to masterfully disperse his En in such a way. 

Then it sunk slightly, in remembrance of their failures. Komugi was alive and had escaped their captors last they had heard, and Pitou hoped that was true. They hoped King was well and nowhere near a fatal state of injury. They hoped and hoped as they realized King would have senses them as well and were probably now waiting. 

A warm sensation filled their body as they rushed back down the path to the nearby entrance to find King. Stepping into the faux village they found his En seemed to gather around one house in particular. It condensed ever so slightly, small enough to miss with normal eyes but Pitou was watching carefully with every fiber of their being. 

Gleefully stricken, Pitou realized King would not like it if they burst through the wall haphazardly and instead opted to more casually speed walk towards the house and enter it normally. Their ears twitched as they heard just the barest murmurs of two people. One recognizably King, and the other Komugi.

Perhaps, there was hope after all. Not all was lost tonight. Even if the Ants were exterminated, something else remained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have several ideas where I want to take it from here, though this could serve as an ending as well...I'll see how I feel depending on the reception of this chapter


	4. Check in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knuckle catches up on things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woulda posted this sooner but something went wrong and deleted it :)

“Eh? You just let them go afterwards?” Knuckle drawled as he held a phone to his ear. He had picked a bench to sit at that was fortunately directly in the sunlight just outside the hospital Gon and everyone else had been admitted to. 

“What was I supposed to do? I was more worried for Gon’s sake! Plus...some other stuff.” Killua’s voice answered over the phone. He had been a little difficult to get on the phone since after the invasion. Something to do with ‘family matters’ that Knuckle didn’t quite get. But he knew his family were famed assassins so trouble with them was probably something serious, so he wouldn’t question it. What he would question though, was Killua letting Pitou go. 

“I can’t believe this!” He cried out, not minding his volume, “Do we know where that thing is now!? Does Morel know about this!?” He had jumped to his feet now, his tired body aching in protest. Knuckle did not heed his body as he continued to drill Killua over the phone. 

“Well!? Do you know!? Huaaaah???” He asked impatiently, not actually having given Killua time to answer. Had he been able to see how Killua was reacting, he would see the boy was looking quite impatient and done with Knuckle’s yelling and was holding the phone away from his ear while waiting for Knuckle to calm down. Alas, Knuckle did not know this, nor would it have changed a thing.

“Of course I told him! Idiooooot! What do you think I am? Dumb?” Killua bit back with equal overdramatic delinquent flair. 

“Eh? You did?” Knuckle paused, his expressing going blank. Morel knew? Did he have a reason not to inform his student or was there just not the time? They did only get back recently, it made sense if Morel was waiting until they were better to reveal this information, if it even mattered. Wait what was Knuckle thinking? Of course it mattered! It mattered to Gon, and if it mattered to him it mattered to Knuckle. 

“Obviously! I had to tell someone, and he just happened to be there when we got picked up.”

“E...eh? Really?” Knuckle was in a little disbelief, growing a little embarrassed at all his yelling just now. Looking around he had never been so glad no one was around to see his blunder. Gah he felt like such an idiot!

“I see…” He scratched his head, processing the information. So Killua didn’t know where Pitou was, but Morel knew that they were still out there somewhere. Hell, they even mentioned possible other grunt Ants escaping. What a horrible situation. 

“Oh well,” He shrugged, thinking was never his strong suit, “What’re you gonna do now? You don’t seem like the type to leave Gon’s side so flippantly.” 

“Me? I’m going to..well, help Gon the only way I know how.” Killua’s answer didn’t click with Knuckle. In fact that made him more confused, wasn’t he visiting his family? The family that was all assassins? Assassination, the opposite of healing. Why did everything have to be so backwards! He waited for Killua to elaborate but he never did.

“Huh!? What kinda half-answer is that! Aren’t you going back to your family!? Huh!?” He barked into the phone. Just as quickly as he had calmed down he had gotten riled up again by the boys overly casual tone. 

“Yes! You don’t have to yell you big oaf!” 

“Who are you calling an oaf!?” Knuckle bite back, his voice cracking as he yelled, “Some of Gon’s injuries may have been healed sure! But he’s still in critical condition, what kind of family secret do you have going on that’s gonna help him!?” 

“It’s a secret! Just like you said! I’ll be back in as soon as I can okay! I’ll even call the hospital to keep you all posted or whatever.” Killua relented. The two got along great. 

Knuckle grumbled, “Fine fine, just don’t get in too much trouble for once.” 

“Whatever, tell everyone I said hi.” 

“Wait we’re not done-” Knuckle argued just as he heard the line go blank with the familiar noise of a dial tone. “He...He hung up on me!” Knuckle exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air and almost throwing the phone onto the ground in a bitter rage. The only thing stopping him was the fact that he was no longer alone. 

Standing not too far away in hospital garb was his teacher, holding onto a mobile iv drip while being accompanied by a nurse. They both smiled weakly, second hand embarrassment written all over their faces. Knuckle blanched, wondering how long they had been standing there, watching him make a fool of himself. He straightened himself and tried to play it off.

“H-hey Teach…” Knuckle started, attempting to look more casual. Just trying though made him realize how futile the act was. Instead he sighed in defeat, relieving the tension in the air. He shoved his hands and phone into his pockets as he faced Morel. 

“I was uh, actually just about to look for ya…” 

“Ah, good timing then.” Morel smiled, and suddenly it felt like every other day training under him. A sense of normalcy in his tone as he continued on, “I’m guessing that was Killua on the phone then?” 

“Huh-oh uh, yeah!” Knuckle perked up, then opened his mouth to ask what was on his mind. Then paused, wondering; what was on his mind? He was curious about the Ants yeah, but he wasn’t sure how to phrase the question exactly. Or where to start. Or what he was most curious about. He rubbed his chin in contemplation as Morel watched on, understanding his process.

“The remaining Ants…” He started, gathering his thoughts, “What was the plan with them? I understand our plan was mainly fighting King...but weren’t we called for an entire extinction?” Thoughts of the octopus that joined them halfway through came to mind. “What’s supposed to happen with them.”

Morel scratched his head, somewhat expecting this sort of question. He had been preparing an answer for when press or the hunter association started drilling him but he hadn’t expected Knuckle to be the first to ask. 

“Eh well...yes that is true.” Morel spoke, stroking his chin, “But that’s none of our concern now. Like you said, we were only tasked with the King to prevent the worst case scenario. The rest will be taken care of by the Hunter organization, in fact, I hear they’ll be turning the NGL into a massive nature preserve for environment protection.”

“Then-”

“Yes yes,” Interrupting his student with a chuckle, already knowing his question, “You’re concerned about that Neferpitou right? Don’t fret too much about it Knuckle, any Ants seen outside the preserve causing trouble the Association will handle it.” 

This didn’t actually do much to assuage Knuckle’s fears, knowing how strong the Ant had been. The majority of hunters would be hard pressed against a fight with Pitou, he’d even bargain that without proper backup most wouldn’t last a minute. Morel must’ve seen his worries as he suddenly looked apologetic and tried reassuring him further. 

“Really, you shouldn’t fret too much. I was sure to warn everyone of how dangerous these Ants are. I already told them to inform me if one pops up, so I’ll keep you in the know as well.” Morel informed with a look of confidence.

Knuckle drew in a long breath, and let it out in a big sigh. He collapsed back onto the bench, utterly exhausted from the giant weight of uncertainty being lifted from his chest. If he had the energy to still stand with Morel he would’ve seen how proud he looked. Proud of how attentive and concerned Knuckle had grown to be. But Knuckle was just satisfied to have some semblance of his fears confronted for the time being, not completely gone, but he at least knew what the bigger picture looked like now. 

“Ah jeez...I was getting all worked up for nothing!” Knuckle jokingly complained, getting a chuckle from Morel. 

“You get worked up easily.” Morel joked back. He moved to sit next to Knuckle on the bench, with the help of the nurse accompanying him. He insisted he was fine but had long given up on convincing the hospital staff. 

“Heh...yeah.” Knuckle sighed back, stretching some of his joints with a chorus of small pops. His body was so sore. “Hey uh...hows Shoot doing?”

“Good as can be in his condition. But you know him, strong as can be.” Morel said happily. 

“Yeah...strong as ever.” Knuckle repeated in agreement. His mind started to wander as the two sat there in peaceful silence. Something still bothered him, but he couldn’t figure out what. Gon? The hospital was doing it’s best, and was sending someone experienced in Nen removal soon from what he heard. Killua? Nah, the kid was way too strong and confident to worry about. Shoot was recovering...the Ants were being taken care of, so why couldn’t he feel accomplished? What was still wrong, what base did they not cover?

“Knuckle,” His teacher pulled him from his thoughts, “What’re doing with that worried expression on your face, if you keep frowning it’ll get stuck like that.”

“Ack-” He was quick to try and shake off whatever was bothering him, “S-sorry Teach! I just...can’t help but feel we’re missin somethin…” He mumbled. To his surprise Morel gave an understanding pat on the shoulder. 

“It’s okay Knuckle, I understand what your going through...I don’t really know a cure, but I can try and help you relax. It’s the best thing to do in this situation while we wait for things to play out. We weren’t lucky y’know? It took every ounce of skill we had to win this fight Knuckle, be proud.” 

“Teach…” Knuckle was moved by Morel’s words. Somehow, the man always knew what advice to give him no matter the situation. He felt tears well up as he was overcome with emotion. Unable to help himself he threw an arm around Morel to pull him into a one armed hug. It was a terribly uncomfortable for both of them in their sore state but that didn’t really stop Knuckle despite Morel’s protests.ed, his cool facade instantly failing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, I don't have energy to write often, but every time I read a comment on this or any fic I write I get a sudden burst of ideas and energy, thanks so much for reading.


	5. We keep digging to find gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pitou finds their King, The King. But of course much like Pitou, he's changed as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW sorry this is out so late, which seems to be the new normal, but i was busy bein sad. Thankfully I decided to Stop being sad and then got this badboy out hopefully it works!

Seeing the King again filled Pitou with such unimaginable joy. A completeness filled their body as they felt as if they had found something missing. It was almost embarrassing given how short a time they had been apart had caused Pitou to miss him more than they realized. Seeing Komugi alive and well was a treat as well, proof that they hadn’t failed, that they did right. They hadn’t failed. 

At least it seemed like that at first. The dismissive greeting from King was all but expected as Komugi was much more enthusiastic with Pitou’s return, though both seemed equally invested in their games as always. So invested neither actually turned to Pitou when they arrived, not gave them conversation as they sat down to return to their job of keeping guard. It felt unnecessary though given the layout of the place and King’s En. 

“Neferpitou…” King finally spoke, after having spoken only small tidbits with Komugi the past half hour Pitou had been present. Pitou eagerly perked up, turning all their attention to their King, the one who they lived for. “I have not told you yet, I had informed Komugi so it’s only right I told you as well.” 

This caught Pitou a little off guard, glancing towards the blind girl Pitou could see her tense up a little in aprehension. This didn’t appear to be good news, but Pitou would brunt anything if it was for their King. 

“I have been poisoned,” He began, eliciting a small inaudible gasp from Pitou, “It seems very contagious, and I don’t believe there to be a cure.” King dumped a handful of game pieces from his hand onto the board, signaling a game's end. There was a brief pause in the air, as if he wanted to add something, or had something else to say. He didn’t speak further. Realizing he wasn’t going to elaborate Pitou nervously gathered the courage to speak up, hoping it wasn;t out of line. 

“W..with all do respect King, I could attempt to remove the poison with my ability-”

“I’m telling you this,” He fiercely cut Pitou off. It wasn’t as fierce as he used to be, Pitou noticed. Originally his orders were said with a fierce tone that felt it could cut through someone, now there was an undertone of softness as if to lessen the force of his words. “Because I have accepted the outcome.” 

Pitou starred, seeing their King was as serious as ever. Unlike them, he didn’t ever seem to joke around, not even when it came to wagering limbs. 

“As has Komugi. We both wish to continue playing Gungi, as we always have.” He spoke, picking out which pieces he wanted to use for the next game. “Pitou, I no longer wish to take over the world.”

His words struck like ice into Pitou’s heart. In just a few short words, their entire world crumbled away faster then they realized, the pain they had endured from their battle with Gon seemed to suddenly multiply in their heart as they felt their brain wrap around itself to understand King’s words. They studied King’s face for any hint of misinterpretation, any lie, any chance they heard wrong. 

A weight they didn’t know they were carrying suddenly left their body, as they began to feel lighter than ever. It was unnatural. It felt almost wrong, but not completely. Like they had something cruelly twisted from their grip, but not something they needed.

“Y...you’re giving up?” They dared to speak up. King ignored them momentarily as they mumbled their piece set up to Komugi just loud enough for her to hear, as she did the same. A small smile on her face, Pitou noticed. They guessed that the world could be ending and Komugi would be happy playing with King, they had never once thought that maybe he felt the same. 

“Mhm.” he mumbled a confirmation, “It no longer interests me.” Each word felt like another icey dagger in Pitou’s being. Everything they had worked for, what they had been born and raised to do. Their entire being. Peacefully gone.

“The humans are strong, and capable. Deserving.” The last word was said with a hint of emotion Pitou couldn’t recognize, “I no longer need the world, and as such, you no longer need me Pitou.” Had King always referred to them by their shortened name? Somehow it was all they could focus on as their head span with implications. 

“You wanted to defend me to your death...which is admirable.” Praise like this would normally send Pitou over the moon, but it felt heavy in their heart now, “But I wanted to give you a chance Pitou. You don’t have to die with me, you don’t have to die an Ant with a King who refuses to lead. I’m sure you could thrive in this world, and meet many new people more worthy than me of your devotion.” 

It hurt, Pitou though, hearing the King demean himself like this. But now they had to wonder, did it hurt because they wanted the King himself to think highly of himself? To be strong and confident? Or did they just want the person they followed to bear no weakness, no modesty in their strength. In only a second of deliberation Pitou knew it was the former. 

King obviously intended this to be a heavy offer, one they expected Pitou to leave with. They were convinced that Pitou’s desire to live alongside a worthy successor outweighed their devotion to a dying King. And Pitou was nervous to prove them wrong. Swallowing their fear, they spoke. Trying to reason that they had no reason to be nervous.

“King-”

“Meruem.” He interrupted again, shocking Pitou with the information. Processing the information, Pitou realized what he had said and what it implied. Gaping a little at the revelation. 

“M-Meruem,” They happily corrected themself, something inside them bubbling with joy, “If it’s alright, I think I would much like to stay by your side. Even if you don’t want the world!” They placed their hand over their chest. 

“I...also wish for a different life.” Pitou said honestly, “Even if it’s short.”

It was now Meruem’s turn to be surprised. Pitou had not often found genuine surprise an expression Meruem showed, but when he did it was a good look. He seemed to contemplate Pitou’s words, mulling them over as he muttered his move on the gungi board. Finally, he gave his response of a single proud smirk as Komugi giggled.

“You have such wonderful friends Meruem.” She muttered, voicing her own moves. Pitou stopped themselves as they opened their mouth to protest. They almost denied Komugi’s claim, about to insist they were nothing but a soldier for Meruem. But they closed their mouth, seeing as they weren’t a soldier anymore, and turning to the Ant in question he showed no qualms. Only contemplating his next move on the gungi board. 

This was the life he wanted. Looking at it, Pitou nearly understood. There was no great conflict, or threat. It was almost saddening how alien the thought was to Pitou, enjoying a peace with people to care about. It looked nice, Pitou wished they could understand instantly, but they couldn’t. They hoped too soon though. They knew, at the very least, the appeal of wanting to be more human. 

Muruem even looked it, though his physical traits hadn’t changed in the slightest, somehow the way he carried himself and talked had made him appear less Ant than before. Pitou briefly wondered what caused him to change so drastically in the time of their separation. They had known he was changing since he had met Komugi, but something seemed to have finally pushed him over the edge since the raid had started. Deciding not to question it, to push forward, Pitou dared once again to talk, now knowing they weren’t speaking to an Ant King but rather Muruem.

“I...would like…” They in actuality, still struggled to address him, now not knowing how informal or formal they should be, “I would like to try and cure you still!” 

The bold claim caused only a small moment of hesitation in Meruem before he audibly claimed his next move on the gungi board before turning to Pitou. An unnecessary gesture.

“...why?” He seemed genuinely confused, but didn’t elaborate his question. He must’ve understood on some level, Pitou reasoned, but wanted to hear it from them.

“Because…” They started, somewhat sheepishly. Shyness was unordinary for them, but today seemed to bring all sorts of change. “Without it you could live longer...and play more gungi.” 

The look of befuddlement on Meruem’s face would be something Pitou remembered forever. They almost felt bad that Komugi couldn’t see it as well, but the look on her face told Pitou they were slightly surprised by their offer as well. Pressing on, Pitou continued with their proposition. 

“You could play more gungi, you could see the world. Visit new people, places...learn new things.” They said nervously, almost ready to back out. But Pitou was nothing if dedicated to a cause. They watched Muruem consider this.

He took his time, cupping his chin in thought as he stared down at the board. Pitou wondered briefly, if he was more concerned over the board game then his own life and future. Then Pitou realized that, obviously, he was. 

“An interesting offer,” He finally spoke, “I will let you try to the best of your abilities.” 

“There’s no harm in trying.” Komugi added happily, announcing another move which made Muruem grimace in the loss of a vital piece. Pitou however, could not be more ecstatic. Moving to sit behind their former King, they summoned Doctor Blyth and began to work. In truth they had never worked on toxins before, and aside from reading extensively about them their experience was nonexistent. But their determination and knowledge of what bodies should and shouldn't have was hopefully enough to extend Muruem and Komugi’s lives long enough long enough to allow the joy of travel.

For whatever reason, Pitou couldn’t stop themself from bouncing slightly in place from excitement. They thought briefly of what they wished to do should they succeed, and quickly surmised that they needed to produce a more physical apology to Gon when they had the chance, he deserved more than what Pitou gave him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With school kicking into high gear, and other projects in the work I'm not sure how often I'll update this. But from the support I got, I think I'm going to stick with this fic a little longer before ending it and maybe starting a different, longer one exploring this concept more.


	6. A New Way Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our ants find a village, surely the start of something good?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to get out, typical burnout and summer school. But sometimes if you want things written you just gotta write them without worrying to much on what's good.

As predicted, the former castle was swarming with Hunters if Muruem’s En was anything to go by. And yet, given the King-no Meruem’s incredible capabilities, bypassing the trespassers was of no difficulty. Soon enough, the trio was making their way across the natural land of the world with only one problem that actually caused them trouble. 

“Pitou.” 

“Yes King Meruem?” 

“Do you...know where we’re going.” 

The question itself was an obvious one, of course Pitou wouldn’t have dragged Meruem and Komugi in a random direction, getting them lost in the thicket of the closest forest, wandering aimlessly. Except, the sweat that gathered on Pitou’s figure as they traveled told another story. 

“Of...course! This is the last place I saw everyone going after all.” Pitou answered semi-honestly. This was indeed the rough direction of where they had fought for their life, and where they were relatively sure a town was. The closest one outside the kingdom would be too risky to venture into given all the hunter activity. So instead they were now trudging through the forest. 

Normally, given their superhuman abilities the two Ants would have no trouble soaring through the thick forested land within seconds. The other problem, though no one actually considered it a problem, was that Komugi neither shared their superhuman abilities nor a stomach for traveling at that speed. 

Instead Pitou just carried the girl on their back as the two traveled. She was out cold from the heaps of activity that had gone on just hours ago, and neither could blame her. Unlike them, she was only human.

A great amount of time passes, and soon enough the sun overhead indicates it’s beginning to dip past midday. Just as Meruem is about to voice a complaint about this fact, he stops as his senses pick up on something new. Pitou stops in their tracks, not quite as sharp but soon enough their ears twitch in recognition.

The noise of vehicles could be heard ever so faintly in the distance. Pitou let out a sigh of relief as Meruem readjusted himself. 

“Seems you were not wrong Pitou.” He spoke, unemotive as always and continued walking on in that specific direction. Coming to a stop as soon as he neared a cliff. 

Pitou followed him quickly, coming to the break in the trees as the scenery opened up in front of them. The lush greenery of the forest quickly vanished as the view moved to the rocky cliff area, and at its base not too far was the hustle and bustle of a seemingly pleasant town, unperturbed by the decidingly fateful battle that had just occuring not too long ago. 

“Aha, see! Right there is a town we can stop by.” Pitou hummed, hoping their tone wasn’t too casual for their King. He may be a changed ant now, but that didn’t mean their position was the same in the least. Still, he hums in confirmation and takes a gander at the location before turning his gaze to himself. 

Pitou wondered what could be crossing his mind, vast knowledge they could only dream of wrapping their head around to be sure…

“Pitou...do you think I’ll stick out?” Perhaps the knowledge wasn’t that hard to wrap their head around. Pitou blinked, it was a good question. As far as they knew, humans didn’t usually have green skin nor tails. It was possible, but highly unlikely all things considered.

“Hm...I think you just might, your presence is quite powerful after all.” They point out, shifting Komugi’s weight on their back as the human stirred. Meruem hummed, hand cupping his chin as he thought. 

“True…perhaps this quest, to see the human world as is. Will be harder than I thought.” 

“I’m sure we can figure something out!” Pitou chirped hopefully, “Like uh, maybe a disguise.”

A pause hung in the air for a good moment before Meruem spoke again.

“...That would require us to attain human-like devices and clothing. Which we can not get while looking like this.” He thought aloud, he turned to stare at Pitou, “Or...at least I can’t.”

Pitou felt their body shiver under the King’s cutting gaze. Even unintended his power put anyone elses to misery, and Pitou couldn’t be more glad to be his right hand guard. But the implications of what he said did reach the ant.

“You’re saying...I should go?” Pitou pointed a claw at themself, not displaying their uncertainty on their face.

“With Komugi, yes. The two of you are likely to blend in.” Meruem said smoothly, “As well is the fact that...it might be enjoyable.”

Pitou blinked, tilting their head in a manner one might find playful. They understood the words that came from Meruem’s mouth, but for some reason they seemed outlandish. Trusting Komugi with someone else? 

“Wouldn’t you want the girl to stay with you to keep you company? I’d be more than happy to go by myself!”

“No. I’m certain she would appreciate the chance to spend time with humans as soon as possible. As well as indulge whatever trivialities they have…” Meruem took a seat on a nearby boulder, getting into his usual comfortable position of leaning on one knee as he stared down the town.

Pitou gulped, his naturally intimidating presence was enough to scare them even when he was practically doing nothing. Shaking off the sinking feeling, they turned to head off only for their King to add one more thing. 

“Pitou...make sure when Komugi wakes up...that she has fun.” 

“Right right of course!” Pitou confidently assured, adjusting their grip on the girl one last time before carefully hopping down the steep slope towards the town.

The thought about what they’d do in town. Their appearance was one of the more human-like out of the ant’s generally speaking. Their hands might cause some questions..their ears could probably be brushed off as an accessory. Their joints...they could claim it was something like a tattoo or, what was that stuff called again? Makeup? 

Pitou’s stomach dropped a bit as they took a big jump onto the ground level of the village, now only just outside it’s limits. They really needed to learn about normal human things if they wanted to get by...or, reacquaint? They had been human once before, had they not? What sort of past life did they lead, Pitou wondered…

Their thoughts are interrupted by the groaning of a waking woman that hung loosely to her back. Perfect timing! Though the jumping is probably what really woke her up. Stopping for a moment under one of the many trees that seemed to surround the town, Pitou tried to carefully set Komugi down. 

“Eh…” The girl half snored as she woke, rubbing her eyes and running a hand through her messy hair. Despite not fighting, she definitely could use some cleaning up as well, Pitou figured. “Where...am I?” 

“Komugi-” Pitou started, only for Komugi’s body to jerk up and her immediatly begin fretting.

“Ah-I fell asleep in the middle of a game didn’t I? Ahh I’m so sorry that never happens Supr-Meruem! I hope I didn’t knock any of the pieces over…” Komugi immediately worried, her memory of her falling asleep being hazy. 

“Ah no no, you two finished your game awhile ago.” Pitou assured, “We were traveling a bit, we’re right outside a town right now.” 

“A town? Which one? And er...is Meruem not here?” Despite not having functioning vision, Komugi’s head turned as if to survey the area.

“Ummm, well! I’m not sure yet!” Pitou happily announced, “And Meruem is staying behind so as not to cause a commotion, he’s a little...recognizable.” 

Komugi hummed in contemplation, thinking far too hard about this then anyone really should. “I see…” She couldn’t, technically. Is what Pitou thought.

“So yeah! We’re gonna pick up some things, and supplies, before we really head off exploring! And maybe a disguise for Meruem as well.” 

“Ah! That sounds smart, yeah. I’m not sure how much help I can be with this, but I’ll do my best!”  
  
Pitou chuckled, pushing themself up and patting Komugi’s head before pulling her to her feet as well.

“Don’t worry about a thing! I noticed we don’t have a cane so just hang on to my hand until we get that sorted out.” With that, Pitou began slowly dragging the human into town. Hoping to come off as normal and human as possible. They tugged their sleeves to hopefully hide their hands a little better and swore to buy some pants at the first chance they got.

“Oh um! Okay! Sorry If I’m a burden after all…”

“It’s okay it’s okay,” Pitou sang, “You shouldn’t be so down on yourself, we’ll have to work on that!” With a chipper attitude, and a bit of hope, Pitou walked the two of them into the streets of the town and for the first time intended to mingle with the humans in a way that wasn’t lethal or alarming. 

Pitou’s life of hardships was starting to really feel never ending all things considered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Meruem, everyone's still so used to calling you King and Leader and think you're scary just cuz you can blow up mountains with the flick of a finger...Anyway, thanks for reading the story this far! I hope I can wrap the whole thing up sooner rather than later, but we'll see! 
> 
> Also...do you think the clothes the Gaurds were born with are like, apart of their body? Or what? Maybe it's like hair...


	7. The Curse of Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meruem, left ot his own devices, dwells on himself and the world around him. Eventually Pitou and Komugi come back to see the results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes if you want things written you gotta eat a whole push-pop, three taffys, put on electronic covers of classical music, and write it yourself.

Meruem was a powerful figure. He considered himself to be quite possibly the physically strongest being alive in all actuality. His knowledge was impressive as well, being able to analyze any data near instantaneously. The sum of his raw physical prowess and immeasurable intelligence were enough to make anyone faint from proximity alone, and yet, Meruem couldn’t see what the big deal was anymore. 

He had all this power and yet nothing he could think of would make it any good use of it.

And he thought a lot. Any lesser person would probably assume this power could be used for world domination, which was his first idea but he had since realized that wasn’t any good. Not only were humans absolutely crazy and would destroy the world before letting him have it, but also he didn’t see the point anymore. He would get no joy out of diminishing the potential of millions, it would only fulfill a vague sense of duty he had long since stopped obligating, and worst of all there would be nothing to surprise him in that world. He may as well be dead in that reality.

So that begged the next question, what on earth could his strength serve? He could use it to protect Komugi, and maybe even Pitou? But Pitou was more than capable of defending themself and Meruem didn’t need even a fraction of his might to protect the small girl. 

Not to mention another inconvenience of his was his form. While he didn’t think anything of it before, Meruem pondered for a moment about it while waiting for the shopping duo to return. He didn’t physically move a centimeter, allowing whatever animal to approach him without concern. 

Meruem thought that maybe if he could change the way he looked, perhaps it would be more strategic to have a more human form. He thought further on it and wondered if Youpi’s metamorphosis ability could grant him something like that, a human form. It shouldn’t be out of reason, and would make travelling a lot easier since he wouldn’t stick out like a giant bug among humans.

He concentrated deeply, channeling the ability throughout his body. Allowing his cells to be altered and changed almost magically. Normally, in the few times he used this ability, he would simply think of an end result and what creature or limb could best accomplish that. But as he concentrated, he could not force his body to mimic that of a human body for whatever reason. No matter how hard he thought, there was no breaking that boundary it seemed. 

Perhaps because humans were not inherently the magic beasts that Youpi’s ability was born from? It was the only logical conclusion Meruem could come to. It was frustrating, his immense strength seemed only to serve him with every tool he didn’t need.

The strength he was born with, the power he had attained, it had all become meaningless to Meruem when he was faced with practicality and the human world. Surely, there was something he could make use of with it?

Just as he thought this, he noticed a deer had gotten especially close to him. Unperturbed by his figure and curious about the odd thing before them, clearly. Knowing they would be frightened if he was too sudden, Meruem attempted to move as slowly as possible and extend his arm in a gesture. What sort of gesture, he wasn’t sure quite yet but he was hoping it would come naturally to him.

The motion was a bit too fast and the deer flinched away initially, taking quite a few steps back. Stopping cold in his tracks, Meruem didn’t move even a centimeter as he waited for the deer to regain its confidence. It took a good moment, but soon enough the deer stuck its nose right near the hand he had just extended.

Waiting another good moment Meruem attempted to move again. It was a cruelly slow process of moving just the barest of inches and waiting for the deer to regain composure to continue. Eventually though, the patience he had paid off and soon enough the animal didn’t mind it so much when he moved, as long as it was slow. 

He put his hand on it’s head, a display of power and trust he thought. Gently scratching the creature’s head would surely show it that he had all the power to eliminate it if he so chose, but desired not too.

Had it been literally anyone else, they would know the motion as ‘petting’ and consider it an act of kindness. Meruem did not know this, and mistook his instinctive motion for a power play.

Yes, things were all coming together now, Meruem thought. Now that he had gained the deer’s trust, he could pursue his next goal as he waited for his comrades. Unknowingly leaking out just a sliver of his aura as he plotted devously, the deer quickly skittered away in fear. 

It took Meruem a brief second to realize what had just happened and from there he continued to curse his existence and power once more as he waited for yet another creature to accompany him. Though surely he had scared off everything within miles, and no animal would be keen on getting anywhere closer to the beast that was as threatening as he was. 

And yet just as Meruem thought this, the deer stood just at the edge of the clearing. 

Perhaps, he had another shot at this. Yes, the deer must realize the futility of fleeing and is essentially offering anything it can for its survival. Is what Meruem mistakenly thought as he watched and waited for the deer to approach him again. With a motion, he gestured the deer to trot closer once more. The feeling of victory filled his veins as he so effortlessly had established a connection of trust with the wild animal. 

Now, being more mindful of his power, Meruem reveled in his brilliance and skill as he put forth the next part of his expert plan to use his strength for good. It took a bit of effort not to cackle maniacally as he habitually did, but he somehow managed.

“Deer...you and I are now entwined in fate.” Meruem muttered, as if someone could hear him. “I might possibly be the first of many to be a part of something greater. I will shape your very being into fulfilling potential which you can not even dream of yet.” 

The deer did not respond, as it could not comprehend the ants mad ramblings, however it was beginning to grow nervous once more. 

“I will...turn you into something more.” Meruem trembled in anticipation. The deer briefly wondered if it was too late to run away.

A good amount of time later, Pitou and Komugi return. 

The two had taken a good few hours to gather all they needed, and explore a bit of the city. Part of that time was, admittedly exploring the town and indulging in its culture at Komugi’s request. But now the two were finally making their way back to Meruem.

Pitou carried Komugi on their back, so they could climb the steep hill they had left him on, and Komugi held the bags of goods with all her effort. They had attained quite the haul.

“We return Meruem, I apologize it took so...long…” Pitou had announced upon climbing the last step carefully, so as not to disturb Komugi. Their sentence had drifted off as they laid eyes on the scene before them. 

They of course had sensed several animals had congregated around their former king, but no amount of foresight could have predicted what was happening before the ant. 

“No.” Meruem, who had not even paid their return with any mind, was sitting in the same pose at a different angle. Facing a deer, with an unnaturally flat rock between them, and many many pebbles littering the ground around them. “That’s not how you play, please try again Mister Deer.” 

“...Meruem?” Pitou tilted their head in confusion, it was impossible that he didn’t even sense them coming. But what even was going on here?

“Is something wrong?” Komugi mumbled into Pitou’s ear. 

“N-no no, I’m just...confused is all.”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Meruem called out to them without turning away, “Clearly, I am wasting my time on this creature.”

“...Mister Deer?” Pitou tilted their head the opposite direction. 

“Yes, that is the name I gave him. He has so far, despite my best teachings, failed me as a student and protege.” Meruem said with a hint of venom in his voice. The deer in question nudged a pebble across the flat rock. Which Pitou now realized slightly resembled a game board, likely the gungi one.

“Mister Deer...once again you insult me. A Scout can not move in that fashion.” Meruem said darkly as he stared down the animal. It didn’t move, only shifting uncomfortably which surprised Pitou.

“Um...Pitou?” Komugi tapped their shoulder, “I’m sorry to ask, b-but could you describe to me what’s happening?”

Pitou took a second to think of a satisfying explanation. 

“Meruem has finally lost it.” Was their first thought, which they thankfully refrained from verbalizing, no matter how accurate it may have been. 

“Meruem seems to be...entertaining the wildlife.” Was what they settled on, which seemed to satisfy the blind girl. Pitou could only watch in fascination as Meruem pushed a pebble across the makeshift board and the deer mimicked the action to the best of its ability. 

“...incredible!” Meruem exclaimed, “Though the legality of your moves has been unquestionably terrible, you actually managed to put me in a tight position. There is potential in you!” 

Just as he shouted that, the raise in his voice startled several of the squirrels, rabbits and birds that had also made themselves comfortable causing them to run off. The noise of which startled the deer, and with the presence of new people, it slowly jogged off as well. A beat passes in silence as the sound of fleeing animals grows quiet. 

“Did he scare-”

“Yes.” Pitou quickly answered, holding their breath. Watching Meruem carefully, they saw no immediate change in mood, which was disturbing. Thankfully, he gave indication of his mood by sighing and letting his shoulders sag just a tad. He wasn’t angry, which was a godsend in Pitou’s opinion. 

“It’s good to see you have returned safely. I apologize that you had to witness my failure like so.” Meruem spoke, standing up and turning to the pair.

“It-it’s okay! You shouldn’t apologize at all!” Pitou nervously asserted, setting Komugi down. 

“Yeah, I think it’s actually really sweet of you to play with the animals.” Komugi added rather kindly, “They say the way animals act around you says a lot about you as a person!”

“Is that so…” Meruem hummed, cupping his chin as he thought briefly on it. “I see. Thank you. Did you obtain everything we needed?” 

Pitou perked up, “Ah! Yes we did indeed, though it was a little hard without jenny, a currency humans use.” They explained confidently, “Thankfully, the people there were very kind and gave us some clothing and food items even though we lacked currency.”

“I see…” Meruem nodded along, “Jenny is it? We will have to obtain some of it in the future if we want to integrate more seamlessly into these human societies.”

“Yep! But until then, I have gathered disguises for the both of us!” Pitou fidgeted in anticipation, feeling very excited to show off their good work. At Meruem’s beckon, they dug into the bags they had brought along and pulled out an assortment of clothes.

For Pitou, they had gotten themself a hooded cloak of a bleak color, and what was apparently called ‘sweatpants’. This served to cover their form and all it’s oddities quite well. Even if they wore the hood down, they had also gotten a hat to hide their peculiar ears.

Finding a disguise for Meruem was incredibly hard, but Pitou felt immensely proud for finding something in the end. It took a bit of begging and a lot of weird looks, but Pitou was proud to present the large rabbit costume they had picked out. It would hide all physical features, and it was loose enough to fit Meruem’s tail! With excellent maneuverability and looking entirely inconspicuous, there was no way this could be seen as a loss!

Komugi has mentioned some hesitation at the time, but was quickly won over by Pitou’s insistence. And now looking at Meruem’s expressionless face, Pitou felt they had succeeded. 

“Pitou…” He began.

“Yeeeeees?” They answered joyfully

“This…” He gestured to the costume Pitou held up, “...is the most brilliant thing you have ever done for me. You’re a genius.”

Komugi, the only normal person present, felt her soul leave her body at the thought of the most respectable man they knew being dressed up in a rabbit costume from a toy store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading once again <3 I love reading your comments and they give me the life it takes to continue writing this fic! I hope you get a kick out of the image of Meruem, strongest creature in hxh existence and general nightmare to most things living, stuck in a cheesy bunny costume.


	8. Lunch Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Palm and Knuckle, with the help of Alluka, convince Killua to stick around to have lunch with them before he sets off again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I forgot about this huh? Nope! It just takes forever for me to put out a chapter since I never plan anything in advance...which leads to things like me forgetting Palm could see the King in his final moments...well this chapter aimed to fix that! Hopefully...

Killua sighed loudly as he sat himself down on one of the booths in the restaurant he picked for lunch. Alluka was sitting next to him, just to his left and closest to the window, happily kicking her legs as she grabbed a kids menu. Across from them was Palm and Knuckle, the two had gotten here a fair bit earlier than the Zoldycks and were already eating cheap family restaurant food. Killua wasn’t really sure why he was dragged here, he had fully planned on skipping town the second his job was done, but of course when Palm invited him to lunch Alluka wouldn’t let him refuse. And as a great brother he had to set a good example of politely accepting invitations when given.

“So...why’re we here?” Killua asked, slightly annoyed, fiddling with a plastic straw on the table. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush, this was unusual, at least in his mind it was.

“What? Can’t we have lunch together before you take off? Don’t act like we’re strangers now!” Knuckle pointed a finger at the boy, his other hand holding a half eaten burger and making a bit of a mess.

“Eh? You mean you didn’t drag us all the way out here to drop some heavy information on me?” Killua said, rather doubtfully. He pointed the straw right back at Knuckle who batted it away. And soon the two got into a tiny straw fight. Alluka laughed at their fooling around while Palm paid them no mind, digging into a salad at a reasonable pace. 

“Of course not! Who do you take us for!” Knuckle barked back, his volume getting a few stares from some of the other customers. None of them took note of it however.

“Actually I have news.” Palm interjected casually, taking a sip of her drink. Killua and Knuckle paused their kerfuffle to turn to her, both equally caught off guard.

“Eh?” They say in unison, causing another round of muffled giggles from Alluka who was fixated on them.

“Ah yeah, I figured you want to know how the Ant extermination finished up.” Palm spoke, gesturing with her cup normally. “So to speak it uh, didn’t.”

“It..didn’t?” Knuckle raised an eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean? We already knew some got away and are being hunted down right?”

Killua was just about to add on when a waiter came to the table to take his and Alluka’s order, leaving him to be distracted by that, but still listening to the conversation.

“Of course, but that’s not what I meant…” Palm sighed, resting her head on a propped up hand. “How do I put this...the King is still alive.” She stated rather bluntly. The reaction was instant, Knuckle choked on his burger which he had foolishly taken a bite out of at that moment, bits of pickle flying everywhere. And Killua nearly fell out of the entire booth in shock. Alluka was once again, amused by the extreme reactions of the tablemates. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Killua yelped, recovering first while Knuckle was still hacking up burger bits all over the table. Palm gave him a good pat on the back while she carried on, acting as normal as ever.

“The King, the whole reason behind our operation, is still alive. I can see him walking about and everything.” She shrugs.

“How can you be so calm about that!?” Knuckle roared, unsettling more customers. 

“To be honest I think it's a mix of shock, and the Ant dna inside me.” Palm answers smoothly. “It’s what makes the most sense to me anyway.” 

“Oh my god…” Knuckle shuddered. Killua was a bit too distraught to speak his mind, looking at the table with a look of deep contemplation. Alluka made a noise of concern seeing her brother like that, not quite understanding what had him so upset nor what was on his mind currently. She had no idea that he was going over all the best and worst meanings of the King’s livelihood. 

In Killua’s mind he was putting together all the factors of the situation. The King was stronger than Netero by a long shot so to speak...so physically insurmountable. And now even the most potent of poisons wasn’t going to do anything it seemed. Not only were the options for defeating or even immobilizing the beast extremely low, the King was also walking around freely as they spoke.

But then came the next question in his mind: was that a bad thing? Yes, the Chimera Ants had incredible power that he would consider a danger unlike any other, but also there was room to doubt that they were senseless killing machines. Though that all hinged that Pitou was an example, and not an exception. However, the sole fact that Komugi even existed was a good point in that category. 

“Palm,” Killua finally spoke up, “When you saw the King-er, if you can still see him...did you see Pitou with them as well?” He felt uneasy asking, not sure if he wanted to know. It made total sense though, Pitou served the King and they were left alive when he last saw them. He wasn’t sure how Gon would react though…

“Yes.” 

Ah hell, that made things complicated. Okay so new information: The King had his healer, but that healer also seems pro-human. In his mind, Killua weighed all the examples he could think of that’d determine if the King would return to his murderous ways. Quickly finding himself frustrated at the lack of information he had to make a solid guess.

“Everything we did...was it for nothing then?” Knuckle said, sounding uncharacteristically defeated. He hands clenched, destroying what remained of the burger. Not that anyone cared at that point. A brief moment of silence hung around the table, only the miscellaneous noise of other patrons going about their day filled the room, seeming much quieter since their particular table had gone quiet. 

“I wouldn’t say that.” Killua said cautiously. “We gained a lot of information in our exchange…”

“Ehhhh?” Knuckle looked up at him confused, as did the rest of the table. 

“For example, we know for a fact now that the King favors at least some humans right?” Killua pointed out, trying not to sound hopeful. 

Knuckle grumbled, rubbing his chin as he thought about it. Palm spoke a single word of affirmation, being the one to personally see how far the King was willing to go for Komugi.

“And Pitou didn’t want to kill Gon either, even when he was trying his best to kill them.” Killua added, “So...I think we might be able to say then, that maybe their goals have changed? Or maybe at the least they won’t be outright vicious yet…” His brow furrowed as he hummed his thoughts out loud, still unsure how logical they were.

“That’s not...insane I suppose…” Knuckle muttered, “Hey Palm, can you see what the King’s up to right now? And uh, what  _ has _ he been doing this whole time anyway?” 

Palm nodded along, putting a hand over her eye and took a deep breath in. “The last time I saw him, he was just sitting on a rock...alone...let’s see if he’s moved…” And with that she activated her Nen. Her ability allowed her to glimpse at her target, and while no one else knew immediately what she saw, they all saw her expression twist from one of slight concern to disbelief and moderate horror.

“Palm? Palm what do you see?” Knuckle asked, voice growing urgent. Killua also leaned in, deeply worried by Palm’s reaction. But as the two got closer in anticipation, the weirdest thing happened. 

Palm cracked a wry smile, her face seemed to struggle with which emotion to show between confusion, horror, and utter amusement. She even snorted, losing her concentration for a second.

“P-Palm? Seriously what’re you seeing right now? Is everything okay!?” Knuckle nearly knocked the table over as he tried angling himself to face Palm.

“I...I don’t know?” She admitted, holding her head in her hands as she held back from either crying or laughing, even she didn’t know which. “What...just what was that?” 

“Well we have no way of seeing, so you’ll have to tell us.” Killua spoke seriously, incredibly hung up on what Palm must’ve seen, his mind already racing to come up with dozens of theories. 

“I…” Palm inhaled deeply, catching her breath before putting only one hand over her eye again and attempting to re-activate her ability. 

A solid thirty seconds passes, in which time Alluka’s meal comes along, and the boys stare intently at Palm as she focuses hard on her ability. Then she suddenly cracks up again, skipping over any fear and just barely holding back confused laughter. 

“I...I think my Nen must be broken or something...I’m definitely not seeing the right thing.” She says just under her breath, fighting an awkward laughter. Killua looked at Knuckle in confusion as he returned the gesture, they both turned back to palm. 

“Oi, seriously, what the hell are you seeing?” Knuckle asked, his voice deeply worried. Palm collected herself, taking deep breaths to compose her expression before talking. When she seemed ready, both Knuckle and Killua leaned uncomfortably close.

Palm’s face scrunched up, obviously having trouble speaking of what she had witnessed. 

  
  


“I...I saw,” She makes a noise somewhere between a snort and giggle, it’s unsettling. “I saw the King...I presume...walking with Pitou and Komugi-” 

Killua and Knuckle grew concerned. 

“-But the King was wearing a full Barnaby Bunny Costume!” Palm wheezed, she wanted to cry at the miserable fact that their fiercest enemy was wearing the gaudiest get up that was usually reserved for a children's play place slash restaurant. But the other part of her just found it too funny. 

Knuckle and Killua both just sat there, staring at her, completely miffed, having absolutely no idea how to react. 

“A...Barnaby Bunny?” Knuckle spoke, “Costume?” Killua finished. 

Alluka threw up her hands, “Barnaby!? Are we going to go see Barnaby? Please tell me yes big brother! I wanna go, I wanna go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank you all enough for giving this fic a read, I really appreciate all the comments and kudos you all leave! I hope to put out the next chapter sooner but...well we'll see how that goes. Thanks again! Tune in next time to see if Chuck King Cheese ever gets a wardrobe change.

**Author's Note:**

> The possibility of me adding more content rests entirely on reader response and also if i feel like it. Really i just had a lot of ideas if Pitou had lived beyond their short life, seeing as they showed the most human traits of the royale guard I feel like it might be nice to see them embrace those traits more thuroughly. Regardless, I hope you enjoy


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